Unscheduled Absence & Some Truth Telling:

Unscheduled Absence & Some Truth Telling:

I want to apologize for being missing in action for so long – I have been dealing with some medical issues and some family issues which have kept me from posting.  

I have been working on a few art pieces and a few filters when I have been able – those long sleepless nights – while sitting letting my mind go over issues, worries (which I know worries only borrow trouble) and trying to calm the pain which has decided to rack my body the past few weeks. 

When I am overwhelmed with so much I sometimes forget where to turn and start to spiral downwards. Today, this morning as I was doing my “make the bed – sit down and breath, let the pain subside – vacuum one room – sit down and breath, and let the pain subside etc..on and on –  It came to me that my ancestors did this when they were hurt many years ago.  Yet, they added one more step that I have forgotten to add in my daily routine – to help my recharging and healing.

Reach out to the great power – study what my greater power would do in a time like this (or have me do).  Find time to be spiritual.

What do Buddha’s teachings say about great times of pain and suffering?   He teach us that during great times of suffering we are working our way towards ending that suffering or we can wallow in the suffering.  There are 8 steps in ending the suffering.

1. Right View. The right way to think about life is to see the world through the eyes of the Buddha–with wisdom and compassion.

I myself, must admit I am having some problems with this first step, more so then I have in a long time. I am really struggling with looking at the world through Buddha’s eyes with Wisdom and Compassion.  I see the world full of Hatred and Greed.  Human’s that are Greedy, Ugly Individualistic Beings.

2. Right Thought. We are what we think. Clear and kind thoughts build good, strong characters.

Due to struggling with 1.  – 2. is also a struggle. I am generally a very positive thinker, very passive and straight forward person.  Think of what you want your outcome to be and work towards it.   Yet, do to my struggling with the first step in this focus –  this 2. step has started to faultier and I am losing my hope and dreams in all my passion in life.

3. Right Speech. By speaking kind and helpful words, we are respected and trusted by everyone.

*smile* – I do this still but it is, in all honesty, a mask.  But, a well practiced mask.

4. Right Conduct. No matter what we say, others know us from the way we behave. Before we criticize others, we should first see what we do ourselves.

This is not a problem generally – even now.  I try really hard not to criticize others.  For I feel their decisions and path are their choosing, not mine.    Even if I am feeling as I am now, and I feel a remark near the front of my mouth, I bite my tongue and say not what my mind says. For it is not my place, I have had to many people criticize me be it their place or not.

5. Right Livelihood. This means choosing a job that does not hurt others. The Buddha said, “Do not earn your living by harming others. Do not seek happiness by making others unhappy.”

*chuckle* – will this by any means is not a problem.  I am not working and that which I have chosen for a job seems to be the butt of everyone’s joke.

6. Right Effort. A worthwhile life means doing our best at all times and having good will toward others. This also means not wasting effort on things that harm ourselves and others.

I have tried to live this step for awhile now – giving and giving and giving and this is what lead me back to step one feeling the way I do.   I am drained!  I like to give and see the joy of those who truly appreciate it.  Yet, even they do not truly know how to give back in kind so that my energy is not depleted.  My family suffers finical, physically because everyone EXPECTS  good old T to do it for free!  To be the good ol boy!  Even those who do not know me all that well.  Those who say they are my friends and get all up in airs when “others” do the exact same thing.  Then they will turn around and ask for “favors”, for “help”  all out of the name of “friendship”.  Yet if I did such a thing I would be expected to pay for the service or they wouldn’t have the time.   So, perhaps I haven’t learned what “The Right Effort” is yet?

7. Right Mindfulness. This means being aware of our thoughts, words, and deeds.

I suppose I am learning this all over again.  I thought I knew what this was and practiced it.  But looking over the upper numbers in these lessons – perhaps I do not.

8. Right Concentration. Focus on one thought or object at a time. By doing this, we can be quiet and attain true peace of mind.

I use to be able to do this, my mind is wild these days.  I feel like scratching my brain out of my head at times just to get it to quite down.   I do not sleep and I barely eat.  Even when I am asleep my mind is continually going.  I need some quite time…  This is another reason why I have not done much creation, much art. 

I am working on being back in sync mentally, physically and spiritually – but until then my posts may be a bit scarce – I will post as I can. 

 

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